Friday, May 22, 2009

Verlust Alles Part:1

Ezmeralda was walking back towards her farm house where her brother, Stark, and uncle, Gewalt, also reside. Her light blue dress and apron was blowing through the air while she carried a basket of the farm‘s potatoes. When she finally was at home she set the heavy basket down and walked to the barrel of water and quickly washed her hands. She took out the knife Stark gave her incase she needs to fend of someone but never has to use it. She began to peel the skin of the potatoes. She reflected on how protective Stark has been since their parent’s died from a long term disease. They were than taken to the small village, Klein, where Gewalt came to take Ezmeralda and Stark under his roof. Ever since then Gewalt has raised them like his own children. As Ezmeralda finished skining the last of the potatoes she washed the knife and placed it in her apron pocket. Stark and Gewalt walked in with bags of eggs and wheat. Ezmeralda gave a gentle smile to her brother and uncle as they set the things down. Stark commented on how hot it has been and how he hopes it rains soon so the harvest won’t dry out. Ezmeralda grabbed a few eggs and a bowl out of the cabinet.

“Have you heard anything of Endungen lately?” Ezmeralda asked. Referring to the war.Gewalt and Stark froze. Ezmeralda turned around, “what, has bad news reached the two of you or are you simply toying with me?” She refocused her attention to the eggs.
Gewalt first spoke.

“It is bad news, don’t over react though Mera”. Gewalt used her shortened name to make things sound softer. Stark continued knowing that it was him to tell his baby sister the news.

“ Mera, Gewalt and I are being recruited for the war”. Ezmeralda dropped the egg on the ground startled by the news. She froze staring at the soiled egg. Gewalt got up and walked towards the corner to grab the broom. Ezmeralda realized what she had done and grabbed a cloth, soaked it and than wiped away the egg on the floor. She threw the cloth in a pile of dirty laundry. She wiped her hands on her apron and stared at her uncle and brother.

“A-are you going”? Ezmeralda stuttered.

“ We have no choice they’re coming tomorrow morn”. Gewalt answered putting the unneeded broom back.

“ Why you two?” She asked getting frustrated. She folded her arms waiting for an answer.

“ We are above 16 I am 17 and Gewalt is 27. We must”. Ezmeralda stared at her brother’s green eyes that they shared, than at Gewalt’s coal black eyes hoping to find a hint of a lie but alas found none.

Ezmeralda untied her apron and set it on the table.“If you’ll please excuse me” Ezmeralda choked out through the oncoming tears. Gewalt and Stark didn’t move, knowing she needed the space to observe the information she was just given.

Ezmeralda ran to the mountains of Gefahr tears streaming down her cheeks blurring her vision causing her to stumble at times. She came to a thicket of trees and leaned against one thick trunk not even worrying that she is lost in a dark forest at night. She didn’t care that she was closed off from the world she wished it all would disappear with the stars by morning. Her eyes were dried of the tears that once wet her face but now just left a sticky residue upon her cheeks. She smelt the burning of wood. As she turned around she noticed a small group of men around a fire. For some reason Ezmeralda did not like the looks of the men. She shifted her weight to one foot as a twig snapped from the pressure. She immediately looked up and saw one of the men meet her gaze. Soon a set of ice blue eyes were in front of her face and a freezing sensation ran down her spine as he griped her wrist. Ezmeralda let out a breath of air. She could see the heat of the breath in the air. The man gave out a cold twisted smile as he whispered in a cold, whistling voice.

“Hello there”.

4 comments:

  1. This sounds like a great start to a very good story.
    Love,

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  2. Great start.....I would change the first paragraph starting with the first sentence. Every great story starts with a first great sentence. That sentence has got to make the reader care and want to read the second sentence. It sets the tone for everything else to come. Think of a dozen different first sentences. then think of a dozen different first paragraphs and see what you can come up with.

    Also, if I were your editor I'd ask you to stop using the words "that" and "then". they are clumsy. Go back through what you've written and try to rewrite it without using either of those words.

    Keep going. Write at least 100 words every single day. I find I am most productive if I write at the same time every day but I think it works differently for individuals.

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